I have mixed feelings when it comes to small talk. Sometimes I like to make it and other times I do not want any part of it. I find having small talk is tolerable depending on where you are; however, I don’t know what makes it okay in some places and not others. The following is an arbitrary list I came up with that isn’t complete, firm, or logical.
Small talk is acceptable at the: grocery store, restaurant, airplane, bookstore, or concert.
Out of all those places listed above I make the most small talk at the grocery. This usually occurs between me and the cashier and not with random strangers who are shopping. We talk about how crowded it is, how’s the day going, or what’s in my basket. Several times I brought up the differences between grocery stores in France and in the U.S.,
“Don’t you think cashiers should be able to sit down? Grocery cashiers in France sit. And they do not bag your groceries.”
Where small talk doesn’t work well is at the bank, post office, or gym.
The first two are usually both quiet, have lines, and by the time you get to the counter you aren’t really in the mood to shoot the breeze.
At the gym, you are there to do one thing and that’s to exercise. One group I noticed that likes to make small talk at the gym is older folks. I always see them chatting away by a machine. And they talk for quite a bit too without ever lifting any weights.
I had some pretty good small talk the other day at work.
It was the end of the workday and a lady and I were in the elevator. After a few seconds of silence, she says to me,
“I have to mow the grass today”
So I asked,
“Do you use a push or a riding mower?”
which I followed up with,
”Do you always mow the grass after work?”
By the time she answered, the elevator was on the ground floor and we said our goodbyes. It was a nice ride and chat. However, not all small talk can be as fun as lawn care. I’m not a big fan of this type:
Is it the weekend already?
Can’t believe it’s only Tuesday.
It’s a hot one today.
Look, I’m not saying you need to discuss the Russia/Ukraine war or the latest GDP numbers with random strangers. Small talk by definition is “polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters”.
All I am saying is to reach a little bit further and try out a new small talk starter. And if you’re thinking,
“Hey Stephen. I’ve made small talk with you and it sucked. It was awkward and all you did was mumble.”
That sounds about right. By no means am I a small talk master. Far from it folks. I just think it’s more memorable if you initiate a conversation with something fresh.
I’ll end with one more experience I had, and yet again it happened in the elevator at my work.
It’s lunchtime and I’m waiting for the elevator to go back to my office. I enter the elevator and there is a lady already in it holding a bag. The doors close and it’s quiet for a few seconds and then she turns to me and says,
“I just bought a whole chicken from Costco.”