I Married Well

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
—Winston Churchill—

My wife and I are coming up on five years of being married. Since October of 2017, we’ve lived in four different homes, became cat owners, obtained a master’s degree, became a U.S. citizen, and saved a substantial amount of money. Before getting married, I didn’t know what to expect. How hard would it be? Who would be in charge of what? Do we keep money separate? Where will we live? At present, we reside in a one-bedroom, 724 sq. ft. apartment in Baton Rouge. The apartment is nice. The city is alright. She’s in school and I work. Life isn’t bad. Though there were times early on in our marriage when that wasn’t the case.

EARLY DAYS
When we first started out it was pretty awful in terms of our living arrangement. We moved into a tiny house in Lafayette near UL’s campus. It was run down, had no insulation, and it just looked sad. Our pipes froze during the winter, our washer and dryer were in the kitchen, and right outside our house was a big gravel parking lot (so no yard). We left that house after six months. We then moved to my hometown of Kaplan right next door to my parent’s house. My wife loved that idea… While not ideal, this was critical. We lived there for just over a year and paid no rent (my parents owned the house we lived in). With the money we were able to save, we bought a new car, paid my wife’s college tuition, and moved to a new apartment in Lafayette a year later. Being able to put away big portions of my paycheck each month allowed us to become more financially secure.

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Those first two years were not glamorous, but it was important to make some sacrifices for us to have economic success. It taught us the value of money. We had to learn how to budget, save, and value the things we already possessed. It was a frugal life that helped us see the difference between what is necessary and desirable.

Budget - I track our monthly expenses via spreadsheets to see where the money is going.
Save - Our savings are automated. We pay ourselves (invest) first then use what is left after that.
Value - We owned a lot of older furniture at first. Bed, sofa, chairs, TV, etc… It wasn’t until years later that we could afford to make some upgrades.

IN SYNC
Our interests vary from one another. While I’m not a fan of the true crime genre I am willing to accept it because she likes it. Just like she is willing to accept all the financial media I consume. Our musical taste, clothing, hobbies, and several other things are all different from one another which is not a big issue overall. What’s important is that our values are aligned when it comes to having kids, religion, money, buying a home, our careers, etc… We are in sync on those things. If we weren’t then cracks would start to form in the foundation.

SCORE
I clean the cat’s litter box. It’s a simple task. Takes less than a minute. But I notice that it’s usually only me who cleans it. So when I ask why she never cleans the box she gets defensive and asks why I never wash the clothes. And then it all spirals out of control. We’re both thinking of what the other does and doesn’t do. Bringing up things from months before that ticked us off. It’s absolutely nuts. Do not keep score. Keeping track of every little thing one does or doesn’t do is tiresome and picayune. She does clean the litter box but it’s just me who cleans it a majority of the time. Vice versa with washing clothes.

Scott Galloway puts it nicely:

“It’s human nature to inflate your own contribution to the relationship and minimize your partner’s. Couples who are always taking notes on who’s done what for whom waste energy, and ultimately both feel as if they’re in the loss column. Decide if the relationship as a whole gives you joy and comfort, and if it does (and it better, at this point), then commit to always being on the positive side of the ledger—aim to be generous and do as much as you can for your partner, as often as possible.”

NEXT
I think I’m good at marriage. I have my off days but overall I try my best. The past five years of being married have been nothing short of wonderful. We’re both happy with where we are in life and where we are going. We’re older, wiser, more confident, and a little bit stronger. My wife has been a great teammate over the years. One who is honest, resilient, and compassionate towards others. I look forward to the next five years with her. Even if it’s just me who cleans the litter box majority of the time.

How I Got The Job

A common question I get when I tell people where I work is, “How did you get that job?” Which is a reasonable question because I would likely ask the same thing. I work in Baton Rouge at the State Capitol building for the Louisiana State Senate. My position is a Communication Technician which entails a variety of tasks but the main two are: photography for the Senate and to oversee the Senate committee rooms during meetings. When lawmakers are in session, Senators will meet in the Senate Chamber to debate and vote on a variety of bills. I am in the chamber taking photos of the day’s session. The committee meetings are where the lawmakers learn about the bills and take action to see if the bill will pass and be sent to the Senate chamber, or fail, and that is essentially the end of the bill’s life. I set-up the room before the committee convenes. Once the room is ready to go, I return to my office and watch the meeting on the T.V. If there is an issue then I am called to resolve it.

That is a brief summary of where I work and what I do. Before I got hired on at the Capitol, I was a French teacher at Lafayette High School. I taught French I and II to 9th - 12th graders for one year. Teaching is great but it wasn’t for me. It was super stressful and I was constantly working after regular hours. My weekends never felt free since I was thinking about my lesson plans for the upcoming week. I am sure it’s much different for teachers who have been doing it for several years but as a newbie it was a challenge every day. I remember two instances when I left work at the end of the school day and cried in my car on the way back home. Some mornings I would be nervous to go to work and it was just a regular school day. I know that all sounds dramatic but it’s the truth. Teaching is not an easy job. I honestly can’t believe I survived the entire year.

Anyhow, after week one of teaching there I began looking for a new job. I applied everywhere. Banks, advertising agencies, tech companies, universities, etc... Lafayette isn’t a big city so I began applying to out of state jobs once I exhausted my options within the city. I applied to dozens of universities all over the country. Texas, Virginia, Colorado, Massachusetts, etc… My wife was going to transfer from her college in Lafayette into a different one so that is why I focused so much on universities. I was thinking maybe if I worked there I could receive a tuition discount for my spouse…If only it was that simple.

Overall, I applied to more than 40 different jobs from August 2018 to April 2019. Out of 40, I heard back from two universities about an interview. I did a phone interview with one university, did well on it, and scored a second interview. They then wanted to fly me out to the school to give me a tour and do one final interview. I was so pumped up for this but my wife was not. The school was William and Mary in Virginia. The tuition would have costed us more than $24,000 a year for her to attend and that’s even if she got into the school. I thought I could eventually convince my wife to change her mind so I kept a dialogue going with the folks over at W&M.

Meanwhile, I got an email from the Chief of Staff for the Louisiana State Senate asking if I could come in for an interview. I saw the email and I could not believe they contacted me. I showed up at the Capitol the very next day, walked into the interview, asked a few questions, and then it was over. Maybe 20 minutes or so.

The interview went well and a few weeks later I was notified that the job was mine. This was in May 2019. So now I got this job offer and a potential job offer at W&M. Then a third job called me and wanted to conduct an interview. This position was at Texas A&M in College Station, Texas. I could not get over all these job offers coming at once. It’s funny how that works sometimes. The end result was me accepting the position at the Capitol. I started in September of 2019.

So that is how I got the job working for the State Senate. The last thing I will say about the job hunting process is that is takes forever. I filled out so many applications online which can take 30 minutes or longer. I wrote dozens of cover letters and worked on my resume constantly. For months I never heard back from any position other than a rejection email. So I said I need to do something that will make me stand out from everyone else. How could I do that? I began working on my resume more but this time I went the creative route. My Microsoft Word resume was not cutting it. It looked like every other resume. So I made a new resume. A resume that stood out so much that you couldn’t take your eyes off of it. You wanted to show others. A resume you could not refuse. This resume was sitting on the desk of the Chief of Staff while I was in the interview.

I'll Figure It Out

“The wealthiest 10% of American households now own 89% of all U.S. stocks.“ - CNBC article from 2021 -

I look at my investments too much. I’ll open my brokerage or stock app, look at the stocks I own, and then close it. I do this at least once a day. I know it’s unhealthy but I kind of like to just see how much I am up or down. Right now I am down. A lot. The stocks I own are off their highs by at least 20% or more. One is down more than 50%. Needless to say, I still like to look at them even though it hurts to see how much money I am losing. (Though none of it is a loss until you sell).

To put it bluntly, seeing your portfolio drop significantly sucks. But it’s not all bad. On one hand, you get to buy at cheaper prices. I bought stock ABC at $140 a share and now it’s trading at $100. That’s what we call a buying opportunity. Back up the truck. But on the other hand, when your stocks drop 10% one week, 20% the next, then 50% the following, you do not know if the stock will recover in one month, one year, or never. I am glad I have the temperament to buy and hold even when the assets I own are getting hammered. It’s not easy to do, so you have to be comfortable with what you own. In my brokerage account, I own four stocks and two ETFs. Three stocks I own will be fine. I do not worry about them. But the 4th one is truly a testament to how strong I will be in terms of holding. This is my speculative play. The stock has been cut in half. It was once trading between $14 - $18 a share and now it’s sitting just below $8 per share. So that is bad. The crazy thing is I once could have sold it for a $2K profit, but instead I held thinking it would continue going up which it did not. It dropped and dropped and now I am down more than $3K. How fun. Bulls make money. Bears make money. Pigs get slaughtered.

Stock picking is hard. I knew this well-known fact but I still wanted to try it out. Warren Buffet says the average investor should just buy an S&P 500 index fund and they will be fine. I did that when I first started investing and I still own it. And it’s doing rather well compared to the rest of my portfolio. So why didn’t I listen to this Buffet guy? Well, I think it’s due to me constantly reading and learning about investing and the stock market. When I knew very little all I did was invest in one ETF. But then over the years, I started learning more and more and I wanted to try out individual stocks. So now instead of contributing solely to the one ETF, I have a portfolio with various holdings.

I’m in my fourth year of owning individual stocks. When I first started, I made some common mistakes such as trying to time the market, lack of patience, or not understanding what I own. I am not a pro by any means but I have learned from my past experiences. And I think the best way to learn is by doing. Every day I am in the market, I learn something new. It’s one thing to hear people say this can happen and then it’s another thing to experience it happen. Watching a stock I own go up 60% in three months was exhilarating. Then watching the stock drop 70% in three weeks was a nightmare. Stairway up, elevator down. Is picking stocks easy? No, which is why Warren Buffet said most people should not pick individual stocks. It’s a lot of work to follow and understand how these companies operate.

So will I stop buying individual stocks? No. While I do not trade stocks near as much as I once did, I am now buying and holding long-term. I am forcing myself to learn about the companies I own shares of. When you own stock of a company there is a reason you chose it. You believe in the company. You looked at the financials, the management, the market they operate in, etc… If you do not know the difference between the company you own and its competitors then you should not own that stock. Most people in this country play a part in the stock market. Some are active but most are passive. Your 401k, pension, or any other retirement account is most likely invested in the market. It’s an awesome feeling to see your money grow. It’s a gut-wrenching experience to see your money lose value significantly. But what makes a great investor is seeing both things happen and doing nothing about it. Simply leaving it alone is sometimes the best method. This is why when I open my brokerage app, I look and then close it. No action is necessary. I’m in it for the long term.