I do not know how I ended up here. How everything just turned upside down. Like a hurricane ripping through my life. One minute, everything was calm, the sun was shining. The next, the sky turned grey, and everything I knew was swept away. I’m left in a state of confusion and pain. Nothing makes sense anymore. And trying to make sense of it all seems pointless.
I may not ever know why it happened the way it did. It’s hard to accept that.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The Serenity Prayer
I am not religious but I found that to be helpful. Support comes from all directions when you’re in despair. There are varying opinions on how to make it through this. “Don’t feel this way, instead feel this way. Have you tried doing this? I wouldn’t do that.” All support is meaningful and well intentioned but right now I’m in a state of emotional limbo. Some days the tears do not stop flowing, while others I’m numb to it all.
Accepting this change will be a slow process. Thinking about the future is terrifying. But eventually, I will find my way. There will be sunny skies again. I will hear laughter. I will find happiness.
The title of this post, "Hurricane Laughter," is inspired by the Fontaines D.C. song of the same name. I’ve been listening to them a lot lately.
